People You Meet At Law School #11: Hypo Man

"To dream the impossible dream"
-sung by Don Quixote in 'Man of La Mancha'

In the 1970’s and early 80’s, school across the nation encouraged their students to develop strong imaginations. Most children didn’t need encouragement to be imaginative, but a select group of humorless, boring children were moved by the idea and developed a strange and unique ability, almost a compulsion, to use their imaginations to concoct impossible scenarios and present them to authority figures.

“Daddy, if a robber put a gun to your head and made you choose which kid to keep and which to kill, who would you choose?”… “Mommy, what would happen if the wheels all fell off the car while we’re driving?”… “Rabbi, if I ate ham when I was supposed to be fasting for Yom Kippur, would a lightening bolt come from the sky and strike me down?”

Shunned by most of society for this annoying superpower, these children grew up and realized there was only one place where they could fully realize their gift: Law school. Thus, many of these children are now known today simply as: Hypo Man!

He can raise his hand faster than a speeding bullet! His imagination is more powerful than a locomotive! Able to create ridiculous scenarios in a single bound!

Most of the time, Hypo Man lives his life as his alter ego, a normal law student. He socializes with other students, jokes around, goes out to the bars, and complains about classes and professors. However, during class, this misguided superhero is on high alert, mistakenly thinking that his powers will be needed whenever his “Hypo-Sense” starts tingling. Often, it happens like this:

The professor asks for questions. Hypo Man thinks, “This looks like a job for…Hypo Man!” and his hand shoots up. Before you know it, Hypo Man is talking about subconscious intent or events happening simultaneously in different parts of the country. The professor thought he was going to get a simple question, but instead is faced with an intricate and impossible scenario. Hypo Man’s work is complete.

After class, Hypo Man returns to his fortress of solitude (the law library) to pour over the restatement or MPC, looking for holes that would open up possibilities for another ridiculous hypothetical.

Like any superhero, Hypo Man must have a nemesis. It may seem impossible to deter Hypo Man from weaving his hypotheticals, but one type of professor can neutralize Hypo Man’s powers: The Evil Professor Socrates . When Hypo Man smugly asks his question of this professor, the professor will ask Hypo Man what he thinks. At this point, Hypo Man will freeze. Because, much like Superman’s nemesis, Mr. Mxyztplk (who cannot say his own name backwards), Hypo Man can concoct a hypo to counteract any rule of law, but he does not have the ability to answer his own questions