From Don:
There were 160 victims - I mean students - who were accepted into law school with me. The first week of our first semester involved mandatory student orientation. All 160 wide eyed, naive, “Perry Mason wannabes” were crammed into the law school's largest class room/court room. We were told how lucky we were, we were told how proud they were to have us, we were told how much better our law school was than the ratings reflected, we were told how great a class we were - standard bull-hockey. We were told who was who, what was what, and where everything important was. We heard from the Dean of the Law School, the Alumni Director (prepping us to donate to alumni crap was obviously higher on their priorities than just about anything else) (as a footnote I tell them every year when they call asking for donations that until I feel like I got my moneys worth and until they stop bringing in every crackpot liberal they can find to brainwash future lawyers I am not the least bit interested), the Career Services lady (can you say "teats on a bore hog"?) then the Dean of Student Affairs.
Finally some useful information? He proceeded to tell us that unlike undergraduate (exactly like kindergarten I realized much to late in life) 1Ls have no discretion in their classes, their professors, or their schedules. In alphabetical order we were arbitrarily assigned to sections based on nothing more than the first letter of our last name (the arbitrariness of this was a precursor to the whole experience and the profession). We were all given the same classes, the same number of credit hours and we were informed that there would be no change whatsoever. Since our next two semesters were preordained and non discretionary we were told that unlike those who had attended undergraduate school at the university there was "no registration process for you." He then politely asked if there were any questions. Of course someone immediately raised their grubby little hand and asked "so when do we register?" Dead silence. The Dean of Student affairs quickly scanned for the Candid Camera and then very nicely and amazingly non sarcastically said "well as I said earlier you don't register we have already assigned you your schedule and classes and it is mandatory." On cue another brainiac raises there hand - “Yes” says the dean, to which the 1L says "where do we go to register for our classes." (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP). I pulled a muscle rolling my eyes as the Dean reiterated that he had already registered everyone (even the stupid ones). I knew at that point that law school was going to be much more tedious and mind numbing than I was prepared for (if only I had had the insight to act on that knowledge!).
In fairness I must point out that neither of those two “goobers” made it out of the 1st year of law school (but I am quite sure that I have appeared before more than one judge in my career that was capable of making the same bone headed question) - but my first impression of law students was quite an impression.
