Hey guys,
My friends and I have been having a debate. What is the proper etiquette for missing class when you are sick? I say that you should miss when you are contagious, otherwise you should suck it up and go; one friend says you should go if you want, contagious or not; one friend says that you shouldn't miss class if you're sick becase you are showing weakness if you do, and one friend says that you shouldn't go if you're sick, because, "why would you?" Who is right?
Josh
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Um...Is this a joke?
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No, I'm serious, we need you to settle this. We have a bet going, and we decided to let you settle it. So please, who is right?
Josh
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Congratulations, Josh. In this email, harmless at first glance, you were able to express everything that is wrong with law students in just 88 words. It would have taken me a trilogy of phonebook sized volumes to capture the essence of what you said about law students in just one paragraph.
You see, Josh, you were able to demonstrate the overall dorkiness of law students with the premise of your bet, while capturing the four main archetypes of law students through the individual stances of you and your friends.
Still with me, Josh? If not, let me elaborate. First off, who the fuck would sit around debating the "proper etiquette" for taking a sick day? Seriously, I cannot think of a stupider topic to debate, and yet, here you are, with enough difference in opinions to need to ask a neutral party to settle it. But that isn't the worst part, Josh. When I got the email, I figured, 'this must be a joke'. I even asked you if it was a joke, but in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't, because you are a law student, Josh. I wasn't surprised at all when you told me it was a serious debate. So to answer my seemingly rhetorical question,who would sit around debating a topic such as this? Law students would. That's who.
But it was so much more than that, Josh. In each of your four unique opinions, you showed us just how warped the law student mind can be.
"I say that you should miss when you are contagious, otherwise you should suck it up and go."
Luckily, Josh, you aren't one of the bad ones. Your viewpoint is noble but misguided. It's considerate that you wouldn't want to go to class when you're contagious. But if not, you should suck it up and go? Why, Josh? If you are feeling ill enough to consider taking a sick day, what good will showing up do you? Is sitting in a class for an hour with a low grade fever and nausea going to improve your grade? Has anyone ever said, "I sure am glad I went to class that day I had diarrhea, or else I'd never have gotten that question right on the exam. I remember the professor talking about it between trips to the can."
"One friend says you should go if you want, contagious or not."
Now this is more like it. Not only is this person misguided, but he doesn't even have the decency to consider the classmates. No, this is the person who doesn't share outlines, raises his hand with a minute to go in class, and happily reports classmates for honor code violations. The fact this person even has friends to debate with is surprising to me.
"One friend says that you shouldn't miss class if you're sick because you are showing weakness if you do."
I never understood this attitude. What is this, boot camp? If someone misses class because they're sick, does this guy say "Looks like Sam can't deal with a little strep throat. How will he ever understand joinders? I can safely say I'll do better than him." What a tool.
"One friend says that you shouldn't go if you're sick, because, "why would you?""
Josh, I am glad to see you have one sane friend. My advice: dump the other two idiots and hitch your wagon to this guy's star. He's going places.
So do you need me to settle the bet? Okay, fine, here's my answer: You all need girlfriends.
