Fourth of July is my least favorite holiday, not because I am unpatriotic, but because I hate fireworks. Actually, I don't mind professionally done fireworks displays, but I hate people who set off their own around the clock. I always have, but even more so the last few years, because every time somebody sets one off, there is a good chance that my dog will freak out and relieve himself on the carpet, couch, bed, or anywhere else he happens to be laying.

This year it is even worse, because since the 4th falls on a Monday, there is a full weekend in which idiots can bring meaning to their otherwise pathetic lives by playing with explosives. So for all those who dislike people who set off their own fireworks, have a safe and happy holiday weekend. For those of you who do like to set off your own fireworks, I hope you blow your fucking hand off.