'Unemployed JD' Goes On Hunger Strike To Protest Law Schools

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This asshole seriously pisses me off. I hope he starves himself to death. I have no sympathy for unemployed JDs who feel like they were misled. Anyone who is stupid enough to buy into the load of shit that law school admissions feeds them deserves their fate.

At this point, a law school diploma is just a more expensive humanities degree. Worthwhile to a few, worthless to most. What makes you think you’re the exception?

Whatever Happened To...

The Desperate Girl

Then: Single female law student urgently seeking a boyfriend.

Now: Just celebrated her five-year anniversary on match.com. No longer requires potential suitors to have hair. Works for the public defender and is always sure to ask her clients if "there's a Mrs. Accused of Attempted Robbery".


The Old Guy

Then: Old Guy in the school. Loved the sound of his own voice.

Now: Whereabouts unknown; presumed dead or fly fishing.


The Philosopher

Then: Unbearable intellectual classmate

Now: Landed a good job but no longer is able to entertain his musings. His new philosophy is "I bill therefore, I am". Desperately wants to get into teaching but is bound to the profession by the golden handcuffs. Rationalizes it by rereading Ayn Rand.


The Hot Girl

Then: Inexplicably hot girl in law school

Now: Got married and left her job to have a kid. Says she's going to go back in a few years, but we all know she won't. One of the 12 people who never misses an episode of The Good Wife.


Jean Shorts Guy

Then: Fashion-challenged weird guy in your class

Now: Low level government attorney; As predicted, wears short sleeve dress shirt with a tie. Still rocks the jorts on weekends. Loved Avatar.


The Feminist

Then: Shrill empowered girl in your class

Now: Single but looking. Spends her days works in public interest. Spends her nights masturbating to Don Draper and then has herself a good cry.


The Frat Boy

Then: Partying bro in your class

Now: Big firm grunt, loves to get wasted on the weekends. Still single, and doesn't see any problem with that. Will soon turn into the old guy at the club.


The Canary

Then: The person you always looked at to reassure yourself that you're not the worst student

Now: Never found a job. Burdened by debt. All to warn you that someone is in a worse spot than you are.

Agent Mulder

Then: Class conspiracy theorist

Now: After getting denied by the FBI, became an IRS auditor. Able to see malfeasance even when there is no malfeasance. Gets very angry if he comes across Lost spoilers.


Federline

Then: The lazy boyfriend/fiance/husband of your female classmate

Now: Got dumped after the sexual/income imbalance became too prominent. Closely following the current situation with John Edwards. Still in a band.


Hypo Man

Then: Extremely annoying classmate who asked ridiculous hypothetical questions

Now: Avid Tea Party member


The Ex-Cop

Then: Cop who thought he could better himself by going to law school

Now: In the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups, the cops who retire on giant pensions and the ex cops who pay student loans from their meager prosecutor salaries. Bum Bum. Still an asshole.


Lucy

Then: Strong willed ass kicking female classmate

Now: Busting her way through the law profession with gusto and smeared makeup. On Saturdays she dresses like an expensive prostitute (with sexy results).

Red

Then: Person who knows everything about everyone in the law school

Now: Law librarian.


High School Smoker

Then: Pretending to hate law school so as not to be shunned

Now: Dutifully pretending that she doesn't mind working as a paralegal, despite her JD.


Captain Law School

Then: Your school's Mr. Everything

Now: Thought that volunteering for the Obama campaign would turn into a real job, but not so much. Now Captain Document Review.


The BFFs

Then: Female classmates joined at the hip from day one

Now: One got a job, the other didn't. They are no longer friends but stalk each other on Facebook. Still thinks that she is more attractive than her BFF.

If you bet on letdown, you were right

When Russ and I started discussing what we might say about law school that we haven't already said, we came up blank. We have no new insights, no different perspective now than what we had four years ago, when we graduated.

I still don't think that it's advisable for most people to go to law school; if anything, it's an even worse idea now. But I no longer have the energy nor the desire to attempt to talk you out of it. If you want to go, go. It's not my problem. You might succeed, but you'll probably be miserable. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, unless you go into a ton of debt. In that case, you're fucked.

But what became of us? Well, as you probably gathered, I am not a lawyer, by my own volition. I was wise enough to see that there were plenty of people not getting jobs, and those people actually wanted to be lawyers. I threw my hat in the corporate world, and while it's not exactly a satisfying career, I make good money, I rarely get hassled, and I am happy.

Russ kicked around his options for a little while before catching on with a general practice firm. He quickly (and shrewdly) realized that there are tons of Spanish speaking clients out there, and they prefer white attorneys, so he learned Spanish and set up his own shop. He's doing great.

When we initially decided to do this, I envisioned a lot of posts. I was wrong. I am 10% busy and 90% lazy, and the ratio is reversed for Russ. That did not bode well for volume. Plus, like I said, we had nothing new to add. The only thing we could come up with was updating where our "People You Meet" series people are now. So we did, in the laziest fashion possible. That's coming up shortly. Otherwise, you can always catch me over at my current blog, or you can find Russ by telling a Spanish speaking person in Chicago that you're looking for El Abogago Gringo.

We're Putting The Band Back Together

I got my start with this stupid blogging thing five fucking years ago over at Barely Legal: The Blog. That all got started because two bored law students, my good friend Russ and myself, used to send emails back and forth, making fun of our classmates and our experiences. One day, our respective egos kicked in and said “Wow, this shit is funny. I bet other people would like reading it too.” A day later, Barely Legal was born.

The fact that people read it was not surprising. For as much work as law students claim to do, most of their time is spent on the internet. The fact that anyone actually liked reading it is more surprising. Law students are hypersensitive and hyper critical; in retrospect it took a lot of hubris on our part to think people would actually enjoy reading our stupid thoughts.

Anyway, we graduated, talk of writing a book was pushed to the back burner and eventually scrapped, Russ retired from blogging while I soldiered on. Recently it was suggested to me that we do a reunion. Unlike most ideas from people who read my blog, this wasn’t terrible. So, why the hell not?

At the end of this week, Thursday and Friday only, will be Barely Legal: The Reunion. Russ is going to contribute too. The only problem is that we have no ideas. That’s where you, the loyal reader comes in. Use the Ask feature, or shoot me an email. We want questions, ideas, suggestions, anything you’d like to see. Most of them will probably suck and never be considered, but a few will probably inspire us, or at least give us something to write. This whole thing might fail and be a terrible letdown. In fact, that’s probably inevitable, but that’s okay. Further details forthcoming…