"When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite."
-William Blake.
10:07 A.M. Contracts Class. Any
It starts out like any normal day. Your professor walks in, the class quiets. He scans the room, and then his seating chart. "The first case I had your read for today was Crabtree v. Jones." You check your notes. Simple case, really. Explains how a partial breach by a seller is remedied in a case where the UCC does not apply.
"Agent Mulder, can you take us through this?” the professor asks.
Agent Mulder begins talking about the case. It starts off fine, but the more he talks, the less sense he makes. Agent Mulder's brow furrows with concern, "Something isn't right here", Agent Mulder says. "I think Jones entered into the contract knowing Crabtree would breach, so he could sue for damages. I think the question here is, 'what did Jones know and when did he know it?'
What the hell is he talking about? You read the case, and the case summary in Gilbert's. There is nothing there that supports Agent Mulder's theory. Where is he getting this?
The Agent Mulder is part conspiracy theorist, part pseudo-psychologist, and all moron. To Agent Mulder, a cigar is never just a cigar. He finds devious political agendas in the opinions of long-dead state court judges. He can find ulterior motives in the actions of just about any litigant. Agent Mulder has his own legal theory of interpretation: Subtextualism. Nothing means what is says, and it is up to him, a 23 year old self-imagined savant, to find out the true meaning of any text.
Unfortunately, law school's Agent Mulder doesn't have a cool-headed and attainably attractive partner to talk him out of his ridiculous theories. Rather, the law professor usually has to play the role of Scully and publicly embarrass Mulder and his crackpot theories. But don't worry; Agent Mulder can't be dissuaded, because, after all, the truth is out there.
