Friday, April 22, 2005

The People You Meet At Law School #10: The Federline

"Well, I look at it as she kind of scored me... Nah, I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking."
-Kevin Federline, on Access Hollywood, when asked how he scored Britney Spears.

Between personal observations and everything we’ve picked up from Dylan McKay, Ryan Atwood or whoever Johnny Depp was going undercover as on "21 Jump Street," we have learned one thing about high school: Women love a good looking bad boy who plays by his own rules.

But what happens to those bad boys after high school? A string of relationships based on looks alone. It's only a matter of time, however, before they realize that working hard and studying will only get them so far. It dawns in them that their best prospect for a happy life always has and always will be by latching themselves onto a successful woman. And where else to find a successful woman than in law school? They dutifully take the LSAT, charm female professors into writing good letters of recommendation, and show up at orientation under the guise of seriously wanting to practice law. But once they've found their ambitious shark-lady, this high school lothario attaches himself to her like a remora and becomes The Federline.

Even at first glance, the couple doesn’t make sense. He could do better in the looks department, and she could do better in the ambition department. It is clear to everyone around them that the guy is just mooching off of her, so why does the girl stay with the Federline? Does she have unresolved issues? Does she just enjoy a project? Or does she think that of herself as the relationship equivalent of Enrique Iglesias’s mole, i.e. that she's subsequently cuter by association?

Come summer associate time, the Federline dutifully follows his girlfriend/cash machine to her place of employment and gets a part time job. After a 16 hour day, it's all worth it to the girl as she holds her Federline and nuzzles under his chin. While she's doing so, she may be apt to think, 'Why does he smell like the beach? I thought he had to work today?'