Tuesday, April 12, 2005

People You Meet at Law School #7: The Frat Boy

There are many reasons why someone chooses to attend law school: Some want a good job; Some want to become a more well-rounded person; Some even want to help "change the world"; And then there is The Frat Boy. It doesn’t matter if the Frat Boy was actually in a frat or not. What matters is his attitude. He came to law school because he was distraught that his undergraduate experience ended, and sees law school as a means to extend his five year stay on campus into eight.

There are two distinct breeds of Frat Boys. The first is The Pretty Boy. This is the guy who spends an inordinate amount of time and money to make it look like he just rolled out of bed, didn’t even bother to touch his hair, and put on the first pair of khakis and Lacoste polo he found. He then walks through the halls with a quiet cockiness that can best be described as a sense of entitlement. The Pretty Boy will often hook up with The Desperate Girl, and then tell her, “you knew what this was.”

The second breed of Frat Boy is The Big Fat Party Animal. He realized at a young age that being husky means his life may be cut short by some 20 years. For that reason, he has decided to make the most of what little time he has on earth...by partying! Once his lips leave the beer pitcher he is drinking directly from, expect a witty catch phrase like "Dude", or "Go Cubs!"

The Big Fat Party Animal is not the fashion maven that The Pretty Boy is. In reality, he did roll out of bed, didn’t spend any time on his hair, instead covering it with a baseball cap. And he actually did put on the first t-shirt he came across, and ambles down the hall with a disheveled sense of entitlement.

Other students get exasperated that Frat Boy cannot appreciate the irony of his immature, alcoholic, rough housing tendencies when he's supposed to be a lawyer one day. Unfortunately, the irony tables get turned when that other student, the Frat boy, and a Partner/Judge/Supervisor have lunch and the Frat boy entertains the Partner/Judge/Supervisor effortlessly with baseball statistics and ribald stories. While the other students sits there ready to discuss legal theory, the Partner/Judge/Supervisor would rather resolve his own undergrad issues by finally getting the validation and attention of the elitist Frat boy.

Ultimately, however, The Frat Boy is not much of a scholar. When called upon in class, he stutters and stammers around until the professor mercifully moves on. The Frat Boy was in Constitutional Law for three weeks before he realized that he, in fact, did not have a right to party, and that fighting for such a right would likely land him in jail. But when it comes to your law school's social scene, The Frat Boy is ranked number one. That stuttering, stammering moron in Torts looks like a white, preppy Johnny Cochrane when he is negotiating a better price on kegs for the law school Halloween party. He might not know much about Civil Procedure, but he does know which bar has nickel beer night on each night of the week.