Friday, March 10, 2006

For the Undergrads

Not surprisingly, we are read by a fair amount of undergraduates who have law school in their sights. They ask us all sorts of questions, but the most common one is: Is law school really as bad as you say it is?

My best answer is: I guess that depends on your perspective. It’s safe to say that everyone in this world can be classified by which character from Saved by the Bell that they are.

Zack Morris: Smart, mischievous, and apathetic, Zacks are a dime-a-dozen on college campuses, and inevitably, a few of them will head on to law school. Unfortunately, Zacks find law school to be boring and pretentious, and their antics aren’t appreciated nearly as much as they used to be. Zack will probably do decently well in law school, but he won’t enjoy it. Job Prospects: Zack will do best as a litigator, and will likely start his own firm within a few years. He may throw aside his law degree and use his charm to find something he likes better.

AC Slater: Cocky and motivated, but not gifted academically. Surprisingly, Slaters are not uncommon in law school despite their mental shortcomings. Slater loves discipline and rigidity, and law school has that in heaping portions. Slater will never be at the top of his class, but he might be near it, and he is smart enough to know his role and his limitations. Because of this, Slater will see law school as a positive experience. Job Prospects: Surprisingly good, since lawyers like conformists. Prosecutor, or possibly big firm yes-man with no chance of getting on the partnership track.

Screech Powers: Intelligent, but nerdy and lacking social skills. Naturally, you find a fair amount of Screechs in law school. Screech enjoys the intellectual challenge of law school, and for the first time in his life, he will be part of a large social circle, if only because there are so many other Screechs to relate to, and will have more fun than he ever has before. Screech will succeed academically, but his inability to relate to non-Screechs will limit his options. Job Prospects: Patent law or tax law or transactional law, where his nerdiness is a virtue.

Kelly Kapowski: Kelly is motivated and bubbly, and while not always the smartest person in law school, she usually exceeds expectations. Kelly will use her positive attitude to make the best of the situation, by frequenting social events and joining law school clubs and working hard to do as well as she can. Job Prospects: Will hinge directly on how bubbly her personality is in comparison to her grades. Possibly in a big firm, more likely working in public interest.

Jesse Spano: Brainy and outspoken, Jesses are the most common type of law school student. Both men and women can be named Jesse, which is fitting, since Jesses can be either gender in law school. Jesse loves to learn and challenge herself, which is admirable. However, Jesse can’t accept people who disagree with her or have a different outlook on life. Accordingly, Jesse will be confined to hanging out with fellow Jesses as she looks down her nose at her non-Jesse brethren. Job Prospects: Judicial Clerkship followed by the partnership track at a large firm.

Lisa Turtle:
Shallow and materialistic, Lisa’s presence in law school is somewhat of a mystery. She dresses well and is always presentable, but hates being there because “there are lots of ugly people.” Lisa may or may not do well academically, but it doesn’t matter, because she is bitter about being there in the first place. She often contemplates dropping out, and secretly hopes to meet a recent grad with a nice paying job who will save her from this academic nightmare. Job Prospects: They will be slim, but luckily, she usually lands a husband before law school is over.

If you are considering law school, but aren’t really sure what to believe when you hear about what it is really like, figure out who you are and you’ll have your answer. If you have any more questions, meet me at The Max and we’ll talk about it over cheeseburgers and milkshakes while our waiter does some magic tricks.