Monday, May 08, 2006

Bright Lights, Big City

The upwardly mobile American has an odd migratory pattern: Grow up in the suburbs, go to some rural hinterland for college, live in cramped apartments and eat take out in the city until you have kids, then back to the suburbs. Rinse and repeat.

Some law students jump right into the city after undergrad and attend a law school downtown. These law students are struck everyday by the irony of the homeless asking them for money when, without student loans, these bums are worth more than they are.

Other law students suckle a few more years off of the state at a rural law school. Not only do these law students enjoy in-state tuition but they get Wal-Mart and $ 5 pitchers. While these rural students walk out of law school in less debt, they also walk out as na├»ve as whatever character Jennifer Love Hewitt is playing in her latest “pretty small town girl moves to the big city” TV show.

Lessons will be learned, like $125,000 doesn’t go so far when your new parking space costs as much as your old apartment.

Men will learn that a polo shirt is now dressing down not up. Women will learn that a complex hierarchy exists based on Kate Spade bags. Both sexes will learn that romance no longer blossoms over kegs and popped collars, and has become mere credential trading between $12 martinis. Ex: “You’re an anesthesiologist? I’m a workman’s comp attorney. I’m not sure which of us is better than the other.”

Most of all, everyone will learn that the city is not as exciting as promised. Just remember in the show “Friends” how even though they all lived in Manhattan, they rarely did anything cosmopolitan. The Friends mostly just hung out in their living rooms. So guess what? If you were boring in Lafayette, Indiana, you’ll still be boring in New York City.