I only wanted to do one reader advice question per week, but today we received an email from a reader that deserved special attention.
Okay guys, I have one for you...
A few weekends ago was my best friends bachelorette party. We went to a major city close to us, got a hotel suite, and hit the clubs. My friend (the bride) was drinking a lot, and ended up leaving with some guy. According to her, she went back to his apartment and gave him a BJ. She came back to the room that night and passed out.
The next day she felt guilty and told her fiance about it. He blew up and called off the wedding. I am close friends with both (although i am better friends with her) and I don't know who to side with. I know she was wrong, but should he have called off the wedding? Is it that big of deal?
First of all, this is the sort of email that will get posted on the blog. Good work. Now on to the question at hand...
Russ and I discussed the issue for a while and came to the conclusion that the guy was justified to have any reaction he wanted, short of violence. Everyone is different. To some people, they would let a thing like this slide and proceed as planned. Others would postpone the wedding and seriously examine the relationship. And yet others would cut off all ties with the hussy and move on with their lives. So long as he doesn't beat the shit out of her, I have no problem with any reaction. Because when you play with someone's emotions like that, you cannot define what an appropriate reaction is. So to answer your question, it is a big deal to him, and so yes, he should have called off the wedding.
But what really concerns me is your apparent lack of appreciation of the situation. "I know she was wrong," you say, but then go on and wonder if he overreacted by calling off the wedding. Well, of course she was wrong. I cannot think of anything right about a bride-to-be getting a facial from some random dude a few weeks before what is supposed to be the happiest day of her life. I'm sure you could try and excuse her behavior because she was drunk, but her impending nuptials was the very reason for her drunkenness. So it couldn't have just slipped her mind. And she couldn't have been that drunk if she made it back to the hotel room by herself. Besides, drunkenness doesn't excuse behavior, it only explains it.
Another burning question here is where the fuck were you? How did you and the other people at the party let her leave with some guy? Look, I have been to plenty of bars in my day, and I have seen the "female force field" at work on countless occasions. You know, when the friends all protect another friend from guys at all cost. At a bachelorette party, the friends should be at DEFCON-5 when it comes to protecting the bride. There should have been one goal: Don't let the bride do anything to compromise the engagement. And yes, that includes leaving with some random to go do God knows what. So the blood of this marriage is on your hands too, sweetheart.
Finally, and this wasn't really anything you asked, but it's my two cents...This bride has issues. I don't know her or anything about her, but that won't stop me from labeling her. She screwed up, big time. I don't know why she did what she did, but in doing it, she managed to ruin her life for the forseeable future. As for the guy, I think he is probably better off without her. I commend him for calling off the wedding; no matter what, that can't be an easy situation.
For the readers, we want your input: What would you have done in this situation? Also, is there anyone out there who would dare to defend the girl? Email responses to barelylegalblog@gmail.com.
(And for the girl who wrote the email to begin with: Russ wants the phone number of the bride. Thanks.)
