Q: So Mike, are you looking forward to graduation?
A: I am looking forward to being done with law school but I am not looking forward to graduation, mainly because I will not be attending graduation.
Q: What? Not attending graduation? Why not?!?!?!?!
A: Because I don’t want to. Law school was not fun for me. Why would I want to celebrate it’s conclusion by attending a school sponsored function? Besides, I live my life by a few rules, and one of them is: Never attend any function where the required wardrobe cannot be used for any other function. And since a cap and gown looks ridiculous even at graduation, I clearly am not going to violate this rule.
Q: But won’t your family want to go? My family would kill me if I didn't go.
A: I told them when and where it is being held, and that they are welcome to attend. But I won’t be there. I didn’t attend my college graduation either. I don’t like stuff like this, and my family knows how I am. They begrudgingly accept it. And if you can't persuade your family that graduation isn't something you want to do, you should really question the value of the diploma.
Q: Come on, why are you being like this? Just go to graduation! This is a big event in your life!
A: For some people it might be a big event, but not for me. To me, graduating law school is nothing special. Look at some of the people who become lawyers. When I started, I fully intended to graduate. This isn’t some momentous occasion where I want to celebrate my accomplishments in the face of all the adversity I faced and the obstacles I overcame. (Note: By “adversity”, I mean “classes before 10:30am” and by “obstacles” I mean “the stairs in front of my school.”)
Q: Okay fine, but shouldn’t you still go, even if you don’t like it? It’s a milestone if nothing else.
A: What a way to celebrate a milestone. You sit uncomfortably in a gymnasium while the Dean tells you how proud he is, followed by an Appeals Court Judge telling you how proud he is, followed by another Dean telling how proud she is, and then you are herded like cattle to walk across stage and receive a fake diploma to a smattering of applause. Then you sit back down, wait for it to end, throw a hat in the air and take awkward pictures with your family. Is that any way to celebrate a milestone?
Q: Is there any situation in which you would attend graduation?
A: Yes, one. I would go if beforehand I could gather up the townspeople to come attend the ceremony, so that they could boo the new graduates and the fact that there are now 150 more lawyers in an already saturated market. And possibly throw tomatoes. Yes, I would absolutely go if that happened.
