Faithful readers will remember Brent, the unlovable loser who recieved a bid to my fraternity as a favor to his parents. In that story, I left out a few details that better describe the character: First, although his name was Brent, he was universally known as 'Dingus'. Second, he was rail thin and did not handle his alcohol well. And third, he had a very distinctive voice that sounded remarkably similar to Beavis. In fact, I had totally forgotten the story I am about to tell until I recently saw Beavis and Butthead on Comedy Central and hearing the voice caused me to have a Proust-ian moment when all these memories about him came flooding back.
From time to time the fraternity would have date parties where the members would invite a date and everyone would go to some event and have a good old drunken time. One time, our freshman year, we had such a date party at an off-campus house, and Dingus invited a girl from his dorm. This girl, on first glance, appeared to be very smart and politely declined to accompany this idiot to the date party, telling him she was going to be out of town. So Dingus, as he would many times, showed up by himself, already drunk and angry, grabbed a beer and planted himself on the couch to sulk alone.
About a half-hour later, the once seemingly smart girl who had rejected Dingus's advances walked into the place on the arm of another guy in the house. Suddenly she no longer looked smart, but really really stupid. Since Dingus and trainwrecks went hand in hand, I made sure to stay close by, to see how this all played out. The girl walked into the house and her date went to get them drinks. She stood around, surveying the room, when suddenly her eyes stopped and a look of horror came across her face. She locked eyes with Dingus, realized the situation she had put herself in, and hurried into the other room to find her date.
I watched this whole scene play out, and went over to Dingus. Always the instigator, I said, "Are you going to let her dis you like that man? You have got to confront her." He seemed to mull it over for a bit and finally said he would, if I got him another beer. I did him one better, went and filled up a whole pitcher and set it on the table in front of him. He appreciated the gesture and proceeded to drink the whole thing, building up his courage to confront the woman who had done him wrong.
For a long time, the girl and her date stayed away from Dingus, while he got drunker and drunker. Finally, towards the end of the party, she and her date came into the same room as Dingus. I grabbed my friend Pat, who had been watching just as intently as me, went over to a now very inebriated Dingus and told him it was now or never. He agreed, and yelled "Hey, Carrie". She turned his way, and as he tried (unsuccessfully) to stand up from the couch, shouted, in his gravelly Beavis-esque voice, "You shouldn't lie to people!" Pat, I, and about a dozen other people died of laughter.
After regaining composure, Pat and I looked at eachother, and I said, "You know, he's right. You really shouldn't lie to people." Pat agreed, and we actually felt sorry for him.
Fast forward two years, and another date party. Dingus asked a girl who hung around the house a lot, and she declined, saying she was busy with school stuff. Predictably, she walked into the party with another guy, made eye contact with Dingus, and immediately turned the other way. I saw this scene play out as well, and went up to him. "You shouldn't lie to people, right?", I said to him.
"Fuck her", he responded in his cartoonish voice. "Bitches ain't shit but tricks and hoes".
"You said it brother", I responded, as I bought him a sympathy beer.
