Looking back, I should have done this story earlier, but I only have a few more stories to tell you and now is as good a time as ever. This is actually how I ended up working at Kroger's.
I turned 16 in October of 1995 and got my driver's permit a few months later. For a while, I just drove around in my parent's car, using their gas and ruining their tires. But by March, they were sick of me doing this and decided to let me get my own car. I was a spoiled kid, but not one of those spoiled kids who gets a brand new car without having to pay for anything. No, my parents decided that in order to drive my car, I would have to pay for gas and insurance. Fair enough, except that meant I would need money. And since I wasn't (an still am not) into whoring myself out, I knew that would mean getting a job.
I wasn't sure where to start, but I had a good friend who worked at the local Perkins as a waiter. (Note: For those of you not familiar with Perkins, think Bob Evans, Cracker Barrel, or any other cheap sit-down restaurant chain that serves breaksfast all the time.) He told me that it was easy, he made a lot of money, and a lot of people from my school worked there. So I went in, filled out an application, and was hired on the spot. There was one catch: In order to become a waiter, you had to spend some time working as a busboy. "Easy enough", I thought. "I'll work a few weekends bussing tables, then move on to waiting."
My first day of work was scheduled for a Saturday morning. I showed up at the appointed time, ready to officially become a member of the workforce. In my mind, I could picture it: The waiters and waitresses would all love me, the customers would give me a knowing smile, appreciative of my hard work. And at the end of the day, a paycheck would be a nice reward to add to my sense of self-satisfaction.
My picture quickly cracked as I walked in. I found a loud, smoky restaurant filled with surly waiters and waitresses and angry customers. I found the manager, and he showed me how to clock in, and handed me a big bin. "What do I do?", I asked. "Bus the tables", he told me. So I ventured out and quickly found myself in hell. The waiters and waitresses did not love me; they hated me, because they knew I was trying to take some of their hours by becoming a waiter, and because I wasn't clearing their tables quickly enough. The customers did not smile at me; they scowled at me because...well, I don't know why, but they did. That first day was awful, and I went home a defeated man.
Unfortunetly, to drive my new car (a Dodge Neon, by the way) I had to have a job. I was scheduled to work the next morning, and I begrudgingly went in to work. I found more of the same as the previous morning, only worse. After being there for a few hours, I was ready to snap. Then the manager asked me to empty the garbage can near the bussers station. I thought it would be nice to get outside, if only for a minute, until I saw the garbage can he wanted me to empty. It was huge, and overflowing with discarded food that the busboys scraped off of the dishes they bussed. I somehow managed to get the giant bag of food out of the can and tie it. The bag was extremely heavy, and I was not a weak kid. I dragged it to the back door, pushed it open, and spotted the dumpster on the other side of the parking lot.
I couldn't drag the bag on the concrete, so I had to pick it up. It was so heavy, I had to stop and rest every ten steps. About halfway across the parking lot to the dumpster, I stopped to rest again. After a few seconds, I picked up the bag, took a step, and
SPLAT!!!
The bag burst open, spewing 80 pounds of partially-eaten foodstuff all over the parking lot. The pile was huge, up to my knee, and spanning about the size of a hula hoop. I stood there for a second, my feet now soaked with garbage juice, the limp bag in my hand blowing in the wind. I thought for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Finally, after about 30 seconds, I did the only thing I could do:
I got in my car and drove home.
I took a shower, put on some nice clothes, and drove to Kroger's. I was hired on the spot, and as I looked around, I thought, "This could be a decent job."
