Monday, January 02, 2006

Calling Dr. Freud

I just read an article about how most peoples' sexuality is profoundly impacted by their first sexual experience and how most of these "first experiences" are in fact with pornography.

In essence, little Jimmy stumbles upon his mother's Nordstrom's catologue and becomes captivated by images of long legs in high heels. 20 years later, a full-grown Jim has a padlocked closet full of women's shoes. I'm not sure if this cause-and-effect relationship is true but we could always ask porn afficionado, Brett from Blafayette.

Now, parents who read this same article are likely to immediately start removing any media in their household which even implies sex in the vain hope that their son or daughter won't become some maladjusted pervert. This will only delay the inevitable, however, as their college freshman child will likely have some awkward drunken encounter that will either scar them for life or forever compel them to wear fraternity letters in the boudoir.

I say, "Why fight it? Make it work for you!" So, I'll be releasing a series of "parent approved" suggestive magazines that should steer curious teenagers in the right direction. Here are some tentative titles:

"Hot Wild Babes Who Agree With Their Mother-In-Law's Child Rearing Suggestions"

or how about...

"Lovely Ladies Of Your Ethnicity and Religion Posing With Their Trust Funds While Using Excellent Table Manners"

and for the ladies...

"Rich Doctors Gone Wild" (Actually, I think most women have already read this one)